oh the fucking irony...
i guess it simply had to happen today, didnt it?
our aniversary... and the first time ever i saw him on the bus. i dunno why, but i had a feeling this would happen. i really and truly did. but it was still a huge shock, it actually happening. this kind of thing simply doesnt happen in real life. it just doesnt.
he wasnt at the bus stop. i got on, there were many people behind me. i sat down, with all my stuff, got out my book. looked up, and there he was, standing in the door. he didnt see me, sat down at the other end of the bus. i looked at him, looked at my book, back at him. couldnt keep my eyes off him. of course not, how could i?! i loved him. maybe i still do. his face is etched into my brain, but it was so so good to see it again for real.
he met my eye. we smiled, awkwardly. i looked down. up again. down, up again. i couldnt read the words anyway....
it was only one stop before he got off again, his home stop, the one i pass every day, and every day i look up and wait for him to get on. but it simply had to be today, it had to be. before he got off, another smile. i laughed at him. it was all so stuipid.
once he left, once we had driven past him, i couldnt stop the tears...
oh, i was doing so so well. but today was different from any other day...
well the great news is, i think iv reached stage 5 of those 5 stages of grief. acceptance. im still sad, obviously, sometimes anyway. but its ok. everythings ok, really.
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