blues

im having a bad bad case of "the blues". and for once, amazingly, its not even connected to J. because what im missing right now is something he never gave me anyway.

i want to be in love. but not just any love - i want that allconsuming love, i want my head to spinn, i want wine and sun and i want him to serenade me by the lake, and i want him to love me just like i love him, i want him to look at me and forget that any other women exist in this world, i want to know every crease on his body, even in the dark, i want my heart to bleed if i must spend even 5 minutes apart from him, i want candlelight dinners and spontaneous roadtrips, just to see the sun set at the seaside, i want to dance in the snow and dance in the rain and lie in his arms looking up at the stars and never be alone again.

no, J. could never have given me that. but then again, who can?